Comparison, moms, and ministry

Life for a young mom can be a sometimes arduous exercise in building character.  I'm not talking about the kids, I'm talking about the mom.  We get the questions about what we do all day, the comments about how 'oh, it must be nice' (it is, but not in the way you are implying), we get asked what else do we do, and on and on.  At home, it seems the cooking, cleaning, diapers, nose-wiping, and discipline never ends, as raising a kid can't really be done in a day, week, or even a year.  It is a time during which we wrestle with our importance, our purpose, and we are constantly re-evaluating that illusive state of being, called 'balance'.  If we let the perceptions of the world lay heavily upon us, the task of remaining focused on our families is daunting, if not impossible, to do peacefully and confidently.

Since we've been here, I'm beginning to wonder if our living situation is an advanced course of the mom-building-character thing.  If there's one thing that is so tempting to do in this close community that is focused on one ministry, it is to compare.  We compare our daily schedules, we compare who-does-what, we compare what we think is "too much" or "just enough".  In this environment, in which something inevitably always needs just one more person to do something, that chameleon of comparison creeps in.

It might be in the form of defending one's self, thus putting our worth in what we do, or it might be in the form of pointing at others, with blame, judgement, or resentment.  Anything to make ourselves feel better, or to aim the attention elsewhere, right?  Comparison also might create that monster of insecurity, which is a powerful tool of the enemy, especially in us women.  Let's face it, there's always something we could do better, something we could do more of, something that maybe five years ago, we should have done totally different that would have been life-changing.  Seriously.  There's always something.

But when we are looking at others as our measure of success or greatness, we'll always fall short.  Yes, we were all created in the image of God, but we were each given unique gifts and personalities.  I wasn't created in the image of my neighbor, so I shouldn't strive to be like her.  I won't ever gain any ground if that is my goal, and that comparison will most likely lead to jealousy and envy,  good poisons for any relationship.  Maybe she has some Godly attributes that I recognize aren't so fruitful in my life, but I need to first go to God and ask the Spirit to work in me to be more like Him, not my neighbor.

Christ is my measure, to which I will certainly fall short.  But He is also my redeemer, the one who took my sin as his own.  The one who loves me so dearly that He longs to share eternity with me.  He is my salvation and what I do for Him counts, not what I do for anyone else.  If I am serving others to look good in my neighbor's eyes, or to feel like I'm doing my part because of what everyone around me is doing, I'm completely missing the mark.

Last week, I was the Advanced Cooking teacher for a grand total of three days.  I've been a mom for seven years but every once in a while, I begin to wonder if I should be doing "more", and in my mind, the importance of mothering seems to fall a few ranks.  These thoughts always come when I'm looking around, instead of up.  In theory, the idea worked very well for our schedule. We hashed out the idea of me teaching over more than a few days and felt that we made a careful decision.  But in reality, it didn't work for our family.

There are no badges for the busiest mom, the stay-at-home mom, the homeschool mom, the mom who only feeds her kids organic food, or the mom who seems to 'do it all'.  We've all been given a unique path, life, and personality.  God is my guide, my goal, and my judge.  No one else.  Nor am I anyone else's.

I'm thankful for the crash course in this I received this month,

and I'm sure it will happen again.

(Disclaimer: This perspective of the fallen-ness of missionaries' thoughts about ministry is not criticism of the administration and leadership at RVA.  It is more a reflection on the general struggle of women in ministry, young moms in particular.  The administration has been beyond helpful, loving, and encouraging to me during this time of "figuring it out", and I am thankful.)