Past struggles; and moving on

Before we came to Kenya, I (Heather) briefly mentioned my struggles with postpartum depression here on the blog.  Some of you might have been wondering if I'd mention it again, since we had a baby here in Kenya last year.  It took quite a bit of faith to delve back into the pregnancy and baby years that we had so quickly left behind but we also had really chosen to take a piece of scripture to heart.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Aside from scripture, the support of others was very important as well and I quickly noticed something.  There were now two categories of people in my life.  All my new friends in Kenya, who knew me circa July 2010, and old friends in the states who knew me before we arrived, some longer than others.  Some watched my previous struggles, some watched me recover, and some watched me tell my story after a lot of healing.

I cannot deny that it was secretly wonderful to have a third pregnancy where not many people around me knew my history of depression related to pregnancy and nursing.  I just as freely shared my story as I did in the states, but I was already pregnant before I could share with most people.  It was almost like experiencing God's view of myself:  New, clean, forgiven, whole, loved, precious in his sight.  Every day.  No matter what.  Except God knows all the dirt and my new friends and acquaintances were just... oblivious.

But the even deeper, more wonderful experience was having those who had been a part of my life for longer see this pregnancy as its own, not assuming it would be like the others, that depression was inevitable.  It was good to hear others tell me they were excited, that they felt peace about having our baby born here in Kenya;
             
             much less to ME, the one who had a hard time before.

While I think those critical thinking skills you learn in school can be helpful in making wise choices in relationships, skepticism should be overrated.  I think that grace, compassion, and mercy are more important when it comes to the way we love and see each other.  How much do we let the history of those around us taint our relationships in the present?  Are we applying labels to one another that have a permanent adhesive?  If we are forgiven and washed clean by Christ, and if he accepts our repentance and sees us as new creations, shouldn't we do the same for one another?

In an education class in college, I heard about an elementary teacher who never read the comments about students passed on by their previous teachers.  She instead wanted to give them a fresh start and not begin the year with a student's personality and problems already formed in her mind.  In her situation, that might have been a wise choice, but we aren't always given that option.

It's difficult to know someone's painful, or even sinful past but then allow them to have a 'clean slate' in your mind.  I think striving to love one another in this way allows us to glimpse God's mercy and forgiveness, and the newness of life each day.

No, the last 18 months haven't been without ups and downs, but one thing I learned from my past struggles is that if I can wake up and be thankful for a new day and see it as a new start, no matter what happened the day before, then I'm doing okay.  Or fine.  Or great!

New days are such a gift, and I hope that I can give that grace to others as well.