Being Best

The other day we played the annual staff vs. JV rugby game.  It’s full-contact mud and blood rugby.  This year, I came out relatively unscathed (much better than last year’s detached lower lip and broken nose). 

Photo by Scott Myhre: Read their blog here.

A friend took this picture and put it on Facebook.  Another posted the following comment: “Oh my, not competitive or anything, are you?”  From the picture, it’s pretty evident I am.  Certainly, there are others who are much more ruthlessly competitive, but still, I try very hard to win.  It doesn’t have to be a bad thing - except for me, it usually is.

I spend lots of time thinking about how I can get back in shape, become an honored teacher, write the best blog… be the best missionary. We are commanded to be diligent; to do our best whatever we do but generally speaking, I’m more likely to ignore a faltering relationship with God than to slack in my public responsibilities.

Pastors get sucked into carefully managing their image.  Worship leaders pour their energies into cultivating a certain mood. Missionaries obsess over their personal contributions to the great commission. 

It’s not a new struggle.  Christ was constantly calling out the Pharisees for their self-righteous (read shallow) worship.  These guys weren’t thinking in terms of eternity but instead watching the court of public opinion - obsessed with being best.  I do the same: 

How many complements are there after I speak in chapel? How many compliments about how well I played in a rugby game or a soccer match?  How many kids say I’m their favorite teacher?  How many people looked at my last blog post? Do people think I’m a righteous man?  Do people think I’m a decent missionary?

I suddenly find myself floundering on the borders of faith with doubts and questions. I’m spiritually stagnant, regardless of how frantically I’m working.  The measuring stick is no longer righteousness… it’s my view of others.  And they inevitably appear just a little more holy, more spiritual, more faithful…  always better than me at something.

In terms of eternity, my measuring stick is perfection. Holiness.  And that’s an alarming and comforting fact.  Alarming because there’s no way I’m getting there.  Comforting because if perfection’s the mark, there’s got to be help.

My challenge: stop asking myself, “How can I do better?” And start asking God, “Am I being obedient?”

We’re not called to be awesome, just obedient.