5 Rules for Driving in Kenya

We bought a car a little less than a year ago and while learning to drive on the wrong side of the road, signal with the right hand, shift with the left, etc... seemed intimidating, it was actually fairly easy.  The more interesting part is learning Kenya's rules of the road, so to speak.  Here are 5 rules for driving in Kenya:

1: The Law of Inertia.  The Law of Inertia states that the vehicle with the greatest Inertia has the right of way.  Most drivers in Kenya have an uncanny ability to precisely calculate in split seconds the exact moment of inertia of any two vehicles.  We have a fairly large car, and it's a good thing, too - if we drove a compact car, we'd still be stuck in Nairobi traffic on that trip to town last week. This rule's corollary? Stop lights don't mean anything.  Somebody somewhere decided stoplights at roundabouts would be a good idea... but nobody knows how to use them.  If traffic is bad, a couple of policemen with radios will stand in the roundabout directing traffic; watch the police, not the lights.  If traffic is good, please default to The Law of Inertia. The color of light is irrelevant.

2: Flashing headlights.  Contrary to driving in the States where headlights are primarily used to see at night, headlights here are used to bully and intimidate.  Example:  A Matatu (12 passenger van used as a taxi) struggling to pass another Matatu up a steep grade will continue to drive into oncoming traffic while rapidly flashing its lights.  This means, "get on the shoulder, I'm coming through." (Never mind that the shoulder is a good 18 inches below the road surface.)  A nervy driver can call this bluff.  Generally, a vehicle in the wrong lane will yield in deference to The Law of Inertia.  Of course if somebody in your lane approaches with momentum on their side, you'd better yield.

3: Hurry in Africa.  Whoever said there's no hurry in Africa never spent time driving in Kenya.  There is an unstated rule in Kenya that if there is a vehicle driving in front of you, YOU MUST OVERTAKE IT regardless of relative speed, road conditions, proximity of blind corners, or oncoming traffic.  Most oncoming hazards can be forced off the road by flashing your lights - if your inertia is greatest and that's the whole point, anyway.  The more inertia the better.

4: The turn signal.  Kenyan drivers have a great idea for turn signal communication.  It goes like this:  If you're following close behind another car, the slower vehicle will put on their right turn signal, meaning either, "I'm pulling out to pass (sometimes)" or "I'm turning right (rarely)" or (most frequently) "stay behind me, there's traffic up ahead."  In any case, you want to stay behind.  Conversely,  A left turn signal means, "I'm turning left" (sometimes) or, "All's clear, go right on by." (most of the time). These are great ways to communicate - in theory.  The problem?  Half the time, the left turn signal means something like, "I turned left about 30 minutes ago," or worse, "Watch out, my hazards are on because my headlights are not and it's dark.  (Never mind that my hazards don't work properly, it's surely better than nothing!)"

5: Police checkpoints.  Police don't sit in cars here.  They stand by the side of the road in bright yellow coats staring ominously into oncoming traffic.  If they lift their hand and make eye contact with you, you've been pulled over.  The trick is to watch for eye contact.  I have no idea how this shakes out in court.

And a Bonus Rule:

6: Rocks in the Road.  All vehicles are supposed to carry warning triangles.  In case of accident or breakdown, you're to place them 50 meters before and after the vehicle.  That's the law.  But nobody follows it.  When a truck breaks down or has a flat, they park the truck in the middle of the lane.*  The warning?  First some branches in the road followed by rocks increasing in size.  You'd better slow down and be careful because as often as not, there is a man lying under the vehicle with his legs hanging out into oncoming traffic. The kicker is that weeks after the ailing vehicle has been moved, the rocks are still there - beware!

*Nobody pulls off onto the shoulder because there is usually a large drop-off to reach it.  Abrupt shoulder doesn't have the proper connotation.  Interestingly, they just spent several months reconstructing the shoulder on the road into Nairobi.  They meticulously graded and packed it flat.  It felt like a nice safe road for about two weeks.  Then they dumped boulders all over the shoulder to keep vehicles from driving on it. Now a quick exit to the shoulder would most definitely mean death to your car... not to mention risk of your own life and limb.