Perspective

I (Heather) started out this week a little grumpy about the time change. It was making my kids grumpy, making me grumpy...we were all a little grumpy. Well, Faith's grumps had a reason, she has been sick, poor thing, but we are coping just fine.

However, this week has turned into so much more. It's turned into a real wrestling with pain for me. A wrestling with perspective and purpose. Saturday I learned of two miscarriages, one of a family in their first year at RVA. Their first year so far from familiar family and friends, having to lay their grief on people they have only recently come to know and love. Two big sisters that were saddened they wouldn't be joined by a new baby in a few months.

Another was a college friend of mine. A woman who as a senior took me under her wing as a freshman, and let me always know my worth as a daughter of God. And three years later, as staff in the foreign language department, and I a senior, pregnant with Faith, she gave me encouragement, love and concern. Everything I needed as I made it to school each day. Their hopes for a second child moved on to another time frame.

Wednesday, my father-in-law, who is an elementary school principal, had a student die. She was a special-needs student, and was able to be with her parents when she passed. But Dad has been taking care of a school full of students that are understanding she will never go through the halls again. And the parents are mourning with empty arms.

This morning I received an email that a former MOPS mom passed away. She is leaving a husband and four children, the youngest a little girl smaller than Faith. A huge gaping hole to be healed. A quiet life suddenly and tragically disrupted.

I'm sure you all have had weeks like this. You hug your kids a little tighter, appreciate your spouse more, your own life... but can't help aching with the hurt that surrounds you. So our Father in heaven is rejoicing this week, his children being home. Yet we still miss and ache for what has gone missing from this earth, what we are to be parted with for a little while longer.

We can only find true peace in Him: 'For I consider that the sufferings of the present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed in us...And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.' (Rom 8:18 & 28)

I spent a lot of time today in the car, and while the kids were content, I thought about what we are planning on doing for the next few years. We get many comments from others about their fear for us as we go to the mission field, and I have struggled with that fear too. In December, after we were accepted as missionaries, I dealt with a lot of sleepless nights over this. I was plagued by visions of something happening to part of our family, and the seemingly insurmountable grief that would follow. This consumed me for some time, until I made my husband and friends aware of it. They were able to pray over me and allow me peace by sharing my burden, and encouraging me to place it in the Lord's hands.

I was talking to a wise missionary friend I have here, and probably sounding overwhelmed by the stories of car-jacking, robbery, injustice, and even martyrdom, that were told to us at candidate week. She said to me "but Heather, that stuff can happen anywhere." And while some of those things may be more commonplace in Kenya, and other African countries, God's hand is on ALL of it, and I am no more protected here that I will be in Africa. He is just as present here as he will be with us there.

So this week reminded me of her thoughts: that this worldly tragedy can happen anywhere. God will use suffering to glorify himself, even if it doesn't make sense to us. God's hand is on my life, your life, Jim's life, and Faith and Joel's lives. And the lives of those that went home to Him this week. That is what I need to trust.

May my heart be just like Job's...'"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.' (1:21-22)