Listen! Watch!

Believe it or not, missionaries often struggle with really basic tenets of the Christian faith.  At least, I do.  


Giving up a regular job, asking for donations and moving far from home did cause a lot of spiritual growth, but lately I’ve even been wondering why, exactly, I ever felt there was a compelling case for Christianity.*  

Heather and I read book after book and took class after class in preparation for the mission field.  Most of this was great.  I learned a lot.  I firmly believe that a more investigated faith, one which is intellectually tested and well-supported, is a richer, more authentic faith.  But there is a subtle trap for me: the more I know about God, about the Bible, and about historical events from Biblical times the more I rely on my knowledge of these things as the very foundation of my belief.

This afternoon as I was reading a few pages these words really struck a chord with my recent struggles:

“Faith is very far from being a mere conviction of the truth of God's Word or a conclusion drawn from certain premises. It is the ear which has heard God say what He will do and the eye which has seen Him doing it.” ~Andrew Murray

But how can I hear God say what he is going to do if I’m not listening?  How can I see God working if I’m not watching? 

My folly?  Faith doesn’t defend itself with clever arguments or objective proofs.  As I begin questioning our finances, occupation, daily decisions, and my faith itself I tend to slide into the most rational, well-supported arguments.  


Faith is not so pragmatic.  Instead, faith whispers, “Listen! Watch!”  


Calling me to obedience.

*Most missionaries (myself included) probably feel like this is a struggle they can’t really share with others.  It’s hard to talk about a lot of stuff on the mission field but it really shouldn't be, should it?  Missionaries tend to think they have to be perfect and to admit struggle is to admit defeat.  This is not so different from the predominant attitude of Christians as a whole.  Can we change this?