13 June 2009

Don't judge a book by its cover, Part 2

So a lot of the thoughts I had on Wednesday were encouraged by some teaching we recieved on our retreat. One of our classes was concerning relationships with others on the mission field, particularly other missionaries. The inability to get along with fellow missionaries is one of the most common reasons for people to leave the mission field, believe it or not.

At our candidate week in November we spent time talking about this topic as well. We looked at all sorts of personality types, decided what best described our own selves, and also pinpointed personalities that we would likely conflict with. It is very helpful to spend time thinking about these issues and to be more aware of our own tendencies. So much better than never having thought of it!

Our speaker at the retreat in May had grown up in South America as a missionary kid, and then returned later with his wife and family for a number of years. He spoke of the impression that was made upon him as a young boy as he sat in on a conversation that concerned missionaries not working well together, and what an impact it had on him to see the relational struggles among the missionaries that were there to serve the nationals. And then he spoke of the other family that he and his wife spent a year with in language school at the beginning of their missions career. They got along really well and were thrilled they would be working in the same area when they moved to the more remote regions to begin their service. They were actually the only westerners anywhere around! With the camaraderie they had during language school, it seemed they were going to have great success working together! Turns out the stress of the field and the competitiveness that started to filter into their work ate away at the friendship until some changes in field assignments were made later.

At the end of the stories, one thing this speaker said really stood out to me.

"Never think you have anyone figured out. No matter how long you've knownthem, there's always something you don't know about: some piece of historythat has influenced them or some aspect of their personality you don't realize."

Our culture often says "don't judge a book by it's cover", but after we get to know a person past the first impressions, to the degree that we deem is "enough", we feel entitled to make a conclusion about them. Then we put that relationship into a category: "we could never get along", "they seem a little odd", "I love this person and completely understand them". And we do believe we have it all figured out.

It is easy for me to think of times that someone has decided they have me "all figured out" and it hurts, and I just ache to be listened to... to be given a little more room in that relationship. But if it is that easy for me to pinpoint moments like this, I wonder how many I have caused for someone else. I imagine I could listen more, ask questions more, and give a little more grace.

Wow. What good teaching this was. Thank you.

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